b4

you, dear reader, should not read this post

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she was the pillar of my life, held everything together, like a magnet

and when she was gone (in the most destructive way), everything fell apart, floating in the space further and further....

the question is why it was like this? well, it was like she was my god, … :) I had quite a faith in her, she was representing all I believed in and reaching her was … was … purpose of life! … and add perfectionism and all childhood in that age and all false thoughts to get what happened 

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and all the bad behavior, lying, not caring of what was going on with me made everything just worth

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you know just for the record

being with M was like relinquishing, loosening every border, breaking every limit. it was not about building sth, it was like creating in every moment, and if it was not perfect nothing could be done

he played quite a part in this interpretation of that relationship, that there are no limits but what you want. however, changing and trying many bad things,... yeah I did that